I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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