it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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