Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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