someone owes me an orgasm
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
