I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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