Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's never too late to be topless.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
