yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
