What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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