You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just pee around me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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