she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
