i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
