She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
