Already got asked if we're dating
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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