You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
