porn star boner night. come get it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
