i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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