My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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