worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
