I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my fart just growled at me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
