no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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