One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
