hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
