She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize