dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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