just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
