The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't turn off my feet"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
