Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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