I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
