whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
