She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
