i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Blood and glitter go together right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
