Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
