shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
