also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
