I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
