Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
