LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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