Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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