I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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