I am puke
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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