He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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