Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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