I cannot find my penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
