He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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