The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
