I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
