Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
