I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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