my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.