My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?