is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.