I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize