I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.