i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know