So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like, not good at living.