I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
