i already hear my dad disowning me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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