We named our party play list daddy issues
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
