i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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