what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.