At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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