do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
is that a dick in a sweater?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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