some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
