Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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