So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
