and you said cock pushups were impossible
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
