your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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