Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want a musical about memes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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